Quick notes from the last week or so:

last Monday: The CEO went to work no problem. I do not count fishtailing in various parking lots and almost killing the lot of us (sans CFO) Hazzard County style at the bottom of our hill as a problem.

Tuesday: Me and the CFO both took the day off. Getting out of the HQ was treacherous but we made it. We went downtown and did Santa pics at Macy’s with the lads. Santa pics on a Tuesday morning is the best thing in the world — we were second in line when we arrived at Santaland. After the pictures were done we dropped off the smaller half of Kjel.org at ’school’, went shopping, stopped at Red Robin for drinks and burgers, shopped some more, and then finally picked up the youngsters and headed home. Barely. During that particular journey back to the HQ I put the red Suby into the guardrail at the bottom of my street. At least it was close enough so that the rest of Kjel.org could walk up to the house and I could sit in the car and swear by myself. I prefer to not speak of it further, except please know that it was only paint, and some quick work with a shovel allowed me to in fact park in my own driveway. Tuesday was a continuation of Monday’s “learning day” with the Red Suby: I’ve never actually driven it in serious snow. I know now very well exactly what it can (and definitely can’t) do in these kind of conditions.

Wednesday and Thursday: These days have blurred together. Typically I would go to work, it would start to snow, I (or more accurately the CFO) would freak out and then I’d leave the office early. One day I swung by the hardware store on the way home and bought 100 pounds of gravel which I then applied to the curve below my driveway. I think the neighbors were impressed. Maybe next year I’ll get a plow attachment for the Suby.

The CFO and the boys for the most part stayed home and played in the snow and watched videos and played games inside. The Jr. VP has been watching a lot of Star Wars and Simpsons videos lately. Yesterday he told me that he wished we had an AT-AT to drive in the snow. I told him that is was impossible for me to more completely agree, and that we would get that rebel scum yet. Kjel.org cabin fever level? Moderate.

Friday: I was unable to speak for several hours on Friday, since at 4:00 PM on that day I did the unthinkable: I went to Fred Meyer. Insanity of a high order, and I blame the elderly (as I do for most things). I came as close as I ever have to shoving a 75 year old woman into a display of canned goods. Along with the rest of us normal folk engaged in garden variety panic buying, there were dozens and dozens of old timers that seemed to be treating the Fred Meyer as a social club. Us young’uns were in a hurry to get our supplies and get the hell out. They blue hair set was not. Seriously: Gram, don’t park your cart in front of the cheese selection to chat with Ethyl and Murtice when the CEO is trying to shop and then get home. Sorry about your foot.

Saturday: It snowed. A lot. There was no way in hell we were getting out of our driveway over the weekend. Thanks to my Friday sacrifice we had plenty of people food, baby food, beer, and “projects” as the CFO calls them: one project was her and the Jr. VP making homemade ravioli. That took a good three hours or so. and other necessities, so we just hunkered down. We tried to play outside a few times but it was just too damn cold, and the snow was now layered with ice and impossible for the kids to play on without constant faceplants. That made it a little bit less fun.

Sunday: Repeat. The Jr. VP and I watched quite a few Simpsons dvd’s. One we watched (Lisa the Vegetarian) contained the following exchange:

People sitting everywhere, eating. Homer fills the grill with lighter
fluid and prepares to grill.

Lisa: Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don’t have to eat meat!
I’ve got enough gazpacho for everyone. [Crowd murmurs.] It’s
tomato soup, served ice cold! [Crowd laughs out loud.]
Barney: Go back to Russia!

I made the mistake of laughing at the “Go back to Russia!” line and the Jr. VP picked up on it. Later that day the CFO pointed to Jr. and said Hey, pick up your coat please! Jr. looked her in the eye and exclaimed Go back to Russia! The CFO was not amused. I am an absolutely outstanding parent.

The CFO spent the day packing and preparing for our trip north to Bellevue, and then our trip west to Maui on Christmas day. I think if we hadn’t have had those type of preparations to make the insanity levels at the HQ would have been even higher. Kjel.org cabin fever level? High.

Monday: This day shall be remembered as “The Day the CEO Saved Christmas (2008 edition)”. It snowed overnight again and was snowing when I got up. After watching the news and looking at our road the CFO and I realized that there was no possible way, even with shoveling, that we were getting out of our neighborhood without chains. I made some calls. Unsurprisingly, most places nearby were out chains. Then on a whim I called my mechanic, hoping that maybe Metro Car Care might also stock chains. The owner Kirk picked up on the first ring, and within 30 seconds we established that he has chains in stock that fit the Red Suby. I tell him that I can be there in an hour. He says that they are not really open and that he is just there with his son collecting mail and making sure the building is OK, and that they are leaving in five minutes. Where do you live? Can I deliver them to you?. Oh Kirk. You had me at “I have chains that fit your car.” Anyway, 15 minutes later I met him down at the Papa Murphy’s and got my new chains. I’m connected in this town, what can I say? Seriously, Metro is the best auto shop in town and I cannot recommend them highly enough. And they are by the Old Barn so you have somewhere to wait while your car is being worked on. I had my chains. Awesome.

The walk back up the hill returning to the HQ? Misery. I considered laying down a few times to rest thinking I could attempt the summit later in the day, but I am not sure I would have woken up from that rest. About 3/4 of the way to the top I collapsed I thought that it might be curtains for the CEO, but a friendly St Bernard showed up and licked my face a few times and woke me up. And you would never believe the tasty beverage in the cask he was carrying around his neck . . .

I may have hallucinated that last part. During the walk I am certain that I did see a dog and drink from a flask though.

I pretty much spent the entire day acquiring chains, shoveling snow (the CFO did some shoveling too), moving the Suby into the garage and then figuring out how to get the chains on. I am optimistic that we are getting out of the neighborhood tomorrow. Really the only question now is how much damage does the Suby sustain during the trip to Bellevue. I’m gonna hedge and go with minimal.

Kjel.org will do Christmas in Bellevue on Wednesday, then on Thursday fly to Maui with the CFO’s family. We’ll be back home in January, with obligations behind us and ready to party. Ask Aki about the plans for early January. Karaoke anyone? Also, a warning for certain gentlemen: I’ve begun thinking about bacon. Three times more than I usually do during on an average day during the rest of the year. There might be something special this Superbowl, stay tuned.

So, to you and yours from Kjel.org, however it may apply, please have a: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwazy Kwanzaa, Fine Festivus, and/or a Happy New Year. See you in 2009!