Kjel.org made it to Bellevue. Note to other motorists: whatever the news is telling you, if you look at the interstate and see bare pavement, take off your damn chains. Now on to Hawaii tomorrow.
The Day After Tomorrow (is Christmas Eve)
Quick notes from the last week or so:
last Monday: The CEO went to work no problem. I do not count fishtailing in various parking lots and almost killing the lot of us (sans CFO) Hazzard County style at the bottom of our hill as a problem.
Tuesday: Me and the CFO both took the day off. Getting out of the HQ was treacherous but we made it. We went downtown and did Santa pics at Macy’s with the lads. Santa pics on a Tuesday morning is the best thing in the world — we were second in line when we arrived at Santaland. After the pictures were done we dropped off the smaller half of Kjel.org at ’school’, went shopping, stopped at Red Robin for drinks and burgers, shopped some more, and then finally picked up the youngsters and headed home. Barely. During that particular journey back to the HQ I put the red Suby into the guardrail at the bottom of my street. At least it was close enough so that the rest of Kjel.org could walk up to the house and I could sit in the car and swear by myself. I prefer to not speak of it further, except please know that it was only paint, and some quick work with a shovel allowed me to in fact park in my own driveway. Tuesday was a continuation of Monday’s “learning day” with the Red Suby: I’ve never actually driven it in serious snow. I know now very well exactly what it can (and definitely can’t) do in these kind of conditions.
Wednesday and Thursday: These days have blurred together. Typically I would go to work, it would start to snow, I (or more accurately the CFO) would freak out and then I’d leave the office early. One day I swung by the hardware store on the way home and bought 100 pounds of gravel which I then applied to the curve below my driveway. I think the neighbors were impressed. Maybe next year I’ll get a plow attachment for the Suby.
The CFO and the boys for the most part stayed home and played in the snow and watched videos and played games inside. The Jr. VP has been watching a lot of Star Wars and Simpsons videos lately. Yesterday he told me that he wished we had an AT-AT to drive in the snow. I told him that is was impossible for me to more completely agree, and that we would get that rebel scum yet. Kjel.org cabin fever level? Moderate.
Friday: I was unable to speak for several hours on Friday, since at 4:00 PM on that day I did the unthinkable: I went to Fred Meyer. Insanity of a high order, and I blame the elderly (as I do for most things). I came as close as I ever have to shoving a 75 year old woman into a display of canned goods. Along with the rest of us normal folk engaged in garden variety panic buying, there were dozens and dozens of old timers that seemed to be treating the Fred Meyer as a social club. Us young’uns were in a hurry to get our supplies and get the hell out. They blue hair set was not. Seriously: Gram, don’t park your cart in front of the cheese selection to chat with Ethyl and Murtice when the CEO is trying to shop and then get home. Sorry about your foot.
Saturday: It snowed. A lot. There was no way in hell we were getting out of our driveway over the weekend. Thanks to my Friday sacrifice we had plenty of people food, baby food, beer, and “projects” as the CFO calls them: one project was her and the Jr. VP making homemade ravioli. That took a good three hours or so. and other necessities, so we just hunkered down. We tried to play outside a few times but it was just too damn cold, and the snow was now layered with ice and impossible for the kids to play on without constant faceplants. That made it a little bit less fun.
Sunday: Repeat. The Jr. VP and I watched quite a few Simpsons dvd’s. One we watched (Lisa the Vegetarian) contained the following exchange:
People sitting everywhere, eating. Homer fills the grill with lighter
fluid and prepares to grill.
Lisa: Wait Dad! Good news, everyone! You don’t have to eat meat!
I’ve got enough gazpacho for everyone. [Crowd murmurs.] It’s
tomato soup, served ice cold! [Crowd laughs out loud.]
Barney: Go back to Russia!
I made the mistake of laughing at the “Go back to Russia!” line and the Jr. VP picked up on it. Later that day the CFO pointed to Jr. and said Hey, pick up your coat please! Jr. looked her in the eye and exclaimed Go back to Russia! The CFO was not amused. I am an absolutely outstanding parent.
The CFO spent the day packing and preparing for our trip north to Bellevue, and then our trip west to Maui on Christmas day. I think if we hadn’t have had those type of preparations to make the insanity levels at the HQ would have been even higher. Kjel.org cabin fever level? High.
Monday: This day shall be remembered as “The Day the CEO Saved Christmas (2008 edition)”. It snowed overnight again and was snowing when I got up. After watching the news and looking at our road the CFO and I realized that there was no possible way, even with shoveling, that we were getting out of our neighborhood without chains. I made some calls. Unsurprisingly, most places nearby were out chains. Then on a whim I called my mechanic, hoping that maybe Metro Car Care might also stock chains. The owner Kirk picked up on the first ring, and within 30 seconds we established that he has chains in stock that fit the Red Suby. I tell him that I can be there in an hour. He says that they are not really open and that he is just there with his son collecting mail and making sure the building is OK, and that they are leaving in five minutes. Where do you live? Can I deliver them to you?. Oh Kirk. You had me at “I have chains that fit your car.” Anyway, 15 minutes later I met him down at the Papa Murphy’s and got my new chains. I’m connected in this town, what can I say? Seriously, Metro is the best auto shop in town and I cannot recommend them highly enough. And they are by the Old Barn so you have somewhere to wait while your car is being worked on. I had my chains. Awesome.
The walk back up the hill returning to the HQ? Misery. I considered laying down a few times to rest thinking I could attempt the summit later in the day, but I am not sure I would have woken up from that rest. About 3/4 of the way to the top I collapsed I thought that it might be curtains for the CEO, but a friendly St Bernard showed up and licked my face a few times and woke me up. And you would never believe the tasty beverage in the cask he was carrying around his neck . . .
I may have hallucinated that last part. During the walk I am certain that I did see a dog and drink from a flask though.
I pretty much spent the entire day acquiring chains, shoveling snow (the CFO did some shoveling too), moving the Suby into the garage and then figuring out how to get the chains on. I am optimistic that we are getting out of the neighborhood tomorrow. Really the only question now is how much damage does the Suby sustain during the trip to Bellevue. I’m gonna hedge and go with minimal.
Kjel.org will do Christmas in Bellevue on Wednesday, then on Thursday fly to Maui with the CFO’s family. We’ll be back home in January, with obligations behind us and ready to party. Ask Aki about the plans for early January. Karaoke anyone? Also, a warning for certain gentlemen: I’ve begun thinking about bacon. Three times more than I usually do during on an average day during the rest of the year. There might be something special this Superbowl, stay tuned.
So, to you and yours from Kjel.org, however it may apply, please have a: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Kwazy Kwanzaa, Fine Festivus, and/or a Happy New Year. See you in 2009!
A guest post from the Chief Educator:
Wang and Yanks agree to $5 million, 1-year deal
NEW YORK — Pitcher Chien-Ming Wang and the New York Yankees avoided salary arbitration when they agreed Monday to a $5 million, one-year contract. The 28-year-old right-hander was 8-2 with a 4.07 ERA in 15 starts last season before injuring a foot while running the bases at Houston in mid-June. He did not return.
Well played sir
I do NOT have snow tires, why do you ask?
The CEO should absolutely not be at work right now. Risking my own life out on the roads today just to get to the office is bad enough. It is my life to risk after all, and in certain situations (say, punching out a shark that is trying to eat the CFO, or, like last summer when I had to fight that family of badgers that was trying to kidnap the Jr. VP. What is it with him and badgers?) I’m happy to pays my money and takes my chances if need be. Getting to the office shouldn’t be one of those situations.
What is most uncool about this morning is that not only did I nearly buy it out on the road, but I nearly took the Jr. VP and his Intern with me. After walking up and down the street below my house, I got the idea in my head that the ice was crunchy enough so that the red Suby could maintain traction. The Jr VP was in the front seat (the back door where his kid-seat was frozen shut. Perhaps I should have viewed that as a sign of some sort?) when we pulled out of the driveway. We went down the hill as slow as absolutely possible. Everything was fine until about 30 feet from Garden Home at the bottom. The Suby broke loose at this point and was going to slide across Garden Home and into the woods below, that is, unless we were hit by someone driving on Garden Home first. “Was going to” being the key phrase there: the CEO knows that if your brakes don’t work you really oughtta try the gas. The result? A Dukes of Hazzard style power-slide from 49th onto Garden Home, and the Jr. VP learning to yell “Yee-YEE-YEEHAH!”
I really should have turned around but there was no way to make it back up that piece of hill. Plus, since we were all dressed and committed to school and work I thought I should press on. School is normally a 5 minute drive. Roughly 20 today, since on hills I normally drive 50 mph down I instead kept it in 1st gear. I finally arrived at the office to learn that I was one of three people who made it in today. It’s not like I am impressing the boss or anything since my boss is in L.A. — I should have stayed home.
I’ve got a lot of stuff to write about (the aftermath from the Ale Fest, crazy kids, the CFO’s Birthday Jamberoo, Kjel.org’s response to Arctic Hellstorm 2008) but can’t seem to get it done. Maybe tonight.
What really makes this story is the quote from the neighbor:
A husband who used his semi-naked wife for target practice with an air rifle has been jailed.
Vedran Ribaric, 26, forced wife Mirna to strip to her knickers and run round her garden while he took pot shots at the terrified woman. He even persuaded the frightened 23-year-old to pose provocatively while he took aim. Ribaric was jailed for three and a half years for torture at Zapresic in Croatia. A neighbour said: “Shooting at a beautiful woman like her is crazy. Couldn’t he have practised on a wild pig like everyone else?
I want to move to Croatia. Or at least visit.
The CFO survives another year with the CEO
Happy birthday CFO!
Above is a picture of her and me at the Oregon coast at some point in the mid-90’s — excellent times for a fledgling Kjel.org. It occasionally occurs to me that I am very, very fortunate to have found and married someone I’m both in love with and like quite a bit, and who cuts me a significant amount of slack. Significant. Love you, CFO. Thank you for everything.
As I understand it the CFO turns either 27 or 28 tomorrow. Man, time flies.
A photo of three of the ladies who shared a meal with Kjel.org on Thursday last week. I know them from somewhere . . .
I believe we were rafting in Eastern Oregon when this pic was taken. Remind me to tell you the story about the camp deer that we met on this particular trip. Have you ever tackled a deer? I can’t recommend the experience highly enough. Make sure to guard your face though. And any other portion of your body that you deem important.
The CEO’s oldest sister, several Thanksgivings ago. The 2008 holiday was not materially different.
The long weekend:
Wednesday: Ow, my balls! Me, the CFO and the Jr VP went to the doctor that afternoon. Turns out that Stinkboy is gonna need a minor operation to repair an almost-hernia. On Wednesday when the good doctor was describing (and using visual aids) to impart exactly what he was going to do to Jr’s cojones, the CEO went pale, broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out. I briefly thought the smelling salts were going to be required. I need to stop now — I can barely even think about it enough to write about it without bringing on a fainting episode.
Thursday: Oh. Hi. The CEO’s three sisters and assorted relations were in town for Turkey Day this year. Awesome. The house was full. Then the doorbell rings: “Surprise! My parents snuck into town after saying they would be staying in California. I’m not sure why any of the kids ever believed that they would stay down there; in retrospect there is no way that the CEO’s Mom would allow the kids to gather without being there herself. Turned out to be a lovely Thanksgiving, but one with almost no leftovers — the CEO’s Dad can EAT!
Friday: Meat. Beer. On Friday me and a few sisters and one of their dates went all the way out to Gartners Meat Market on the other side of town. They were impressed. I stocked up, to the extent that Gartners gave me a giant free summer sausage as a thank you gift. Good folk, the meat people. Then we ate lunch at Rogue and drove around town drinking beer at various establishments. At least we tried to: quite a few places were closed Friday afternoon. Weird. We still got our fill though.
Saturday: Damn it, Beavs. Our guests all left and I spent most of the day getting the house back to normal. I snuck over to Chief Educators late to watch a little bit of the football game, but had to get back to help the CFO. By Saturday night she was desperately in need of a spa day. All she got was me coming home early. Sorry CFO.
Sunday: Stimulating the economy We took what has become the usual Sunday trip to the grocery store to refill the pantry and bolster the staples (ie beer and Diet Coke). Once the groceries were home and the kids taking their naps, the CFO did the unthinkable: she went to Toys R Us to Christmas shop. I got a panicky call while she was in the store, ending with “I’ve got to get out of here — this is MAKING ME CRAZY!!”. She finished her toy shopping in the relative sanity of the Target.
So Thanksgiving 2008 has come and gone. I think I am still blacking out the fact that Christmas is right around the corner. The Holiday season doesn’t really start for me until I’ve attended the Holiday Ale Fest. That means my Holiday season will start Thursday at about 3:00, and be thoroughly reinforced Saturday at 11:00.
