The lede from a certain article in today’s Seattle Times contains a lot to get one’s mind around:

Monkey that bit 3 has a history of being “mean”
SPOKANE — A monkey accused of biting three people after escaping from its owner’s South Spokane home is the same one blamed for hurling feces at federal agents investigating a diploma mill operation a few years ago.

I’m a little bit conflicted: one the one hand, if a monkey is going to take it upon himself to bite me or mine that furry little bastard better hope he can outrun buckshot. On the other, I tend to support any creature who has actually “hurl[ed] feces” at a federal agent. Especially if the agent is investigating an occupation I might someday take up: I’ve often thought that starting a diploma mill operating a “university” that is not necessarily “accredited” (Fortress College — you would see ads for it on daytime TV) could be quite lucrative. Just call me “Dr. CEO”. “Professor” would also be acceptable.