Kjel.org went to church on Sunday for the baptism of a certain Squeely lad, then it was off to a lovely lunch in the dwelling attached to Anna’s Park in Lake O.

The place we were going was described to us as “at the corner of Stafford and 205.” We got to the described location and noted four churches at that particular crossroads. Luckily two of them had their names out on big signs so we could cross them off our list pretty quick. The third was ludicrously enormous and looked like somewhere Benny Hinn would come to preach. “Jesus H Christ is that a church for giants or something?” exclaimed the CFO. The fourth church turned out to be ours.

If I’d been thinking at all I would have shown up at the church dressed like Don Corleone. Even as it was I was still very much overdressed. Wait, are we at the mall? A waterpark? This is a church, right?

While I am not a “believer” as the RC church (or as the Lutherans, Methodists, or pretty much any other established religion on the planet) would understand it, I respect the institution and the deeply held beliefs of its adherents. And, on the rare occasion that I do attend a church service, the idea that ‘these are pretty much good people’ almost never fails to eventually manifest in the CEO’s molasses-like consciousness. Maybe I’m just going to the right churches. Anyway, as such, and as a guest of friends and as a participant in a centuries-old rite (a sacrament even, to a believer) I thought it proper to wear my nicest pants, socks, my best shoes, and a sportcoat — I had even considered going with a suit. Silly me. Looking around at the parishioners it dawned on me that the average Mariner game had nicer dressed people than the church I was in. Ratty T-shirts and shorts abounded and it was not hot even by the CEO’s standards (that means above 61F/16C). Holy crap, you’re in a church; at least tuck in your goddamn shirt and/or make some amount of effort to hide your bra straps. I’m sorry that that message has to come from a heresy (and hearsay, when I’m being cross-examined) spouting heathen, but well, here we are.

It was a good church nonetheless: I appreciated that during the sermon el Padre repeatedly pointed out that pretty much the absolute lowest rungs of Jewish society during Biblical times were thieves, prostitutes and tax collectors. The fact that Jesus would deign to dine with them ticked off the normals (aka the Pharisees) to no end. Good to see that the squares were getting what for even 2000-odd years ago; good also to see that prostitutes and thieves at least have moved up a notch or two since back in the day.

During most of the service Jr. and I read a book (in whispers mind you) about the life and works of Homer J. Simpson. I am raising the lad to be a crypto-Homerian. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition but still it’s good to be careful.

There was free (”donations optional?” Didn’t I already put a few wadded up bills in the collection plate?) coffee and donuts afterwards. Apparently that is the standard procedure post-Mass. Whoa whoa whoa, you mean they provide free donuts after every service? Do we know anyone getting baptized out here next week? The CFO did not.

The Jr VP almost ended up on a TV show hosted by Bob Saget: during the baptism itself he came pretty close to falling into the pool. It’s possible that someone, i know not who, wasn’t keeping an eye on the boy like they should have been. The sister of Kjel.org’s primary flora vendor quit taking pictures of the ceremony itself and started taking video of the lad, just in case he did in fact take a plunge. No dice, but close. Also, the holy water probably has a bit more chocolate in it today than it did yesterday — after the ceremony Jr. got his hands into it before I could stop him. “I need to wash hands!” Damn straight you do, but not here.

During the baptism ceremony I renounced “The Glamour Of Evil.” I wasn’t really sure what that was at the time but it sounded awfully cool; I made a mental note to look it up later. I may end up calling “fingers crossed” on that particular renouncement.

The junior members of Kjel.org were exceptionally good and aside from Stinkboy’s near-bath, everything went fine at the ceremony and then the lunch. The Jr VP came home from church and Lake O and took a three hour nap. That usually means that an event was, in his words, “Daddy, Too Fun! Hahahaha Too Fun!!”

While Jr was out a guy (son of one of the CFO’s colleagues) came by the HQ and picked up firewood. He had a small pickup; I helped him load it with about 1,500 pounds of not very dry wood. That truck was a lowrider when it (barely) left the HQ. I hope that kid made it home. I told him that if he knew what was good for him he wouldn’t brake or turn. Or exceed 23 mph. He had our phone number and didn’t call from the 7-11, so I am gonna assume he’s OK. Also going to check the news and the paper closely for the next few days.