The Jr. VP acted out a bit this weekend, trying to reinforce the idea that he is the #1 attraction at Kjel.org, Intern be damned. Mind you he is never, ever mean or otherwise untoward with the new lad in any way shape or form; instead he will do something like attempt a back handspring off the couch while screaming “Daddy watch this!!” If I hold, look at, or even think about the little AK for too long the commands of “Watch this!!” just intensify. I feel bad if the Jr. Vp feels ignored. I do my best to pretend that the Intern doesn’t exist, going so far as to hide him in the garage at times but Stinkboy still is rarely satisfied. Sorry son.

Some pics of the Jr VP and his Intern hanging together:

Far and away the most exciting part of Kjel.org’s weekend was buying a refrigerator. I guess we can finally quit keeping all our food in coolers; my ice bill should go down substantially. And no, I didn’t actually buy it on Amazon, although I should have. I buy everything else I could possibly need on the internet, so why not a fridge? They sell everything else I need: food, books, movies, diapers, jewelry, ammo, sex toys. . . just kidding about that last part; Amazon does not sell firearms or ammunition.

Actually it’s for the better that I didn’t use Amazon for this one, as the nice folks at Standard will deliver and install the new fridge whereas Amazon would have left if at the curb. I’m not sure the CFO could have moved it inside by herself.

I also mowed the “lawn” at the HQ this weekend. I wore safety glasses to do it, since last time I mowed I was blinded by all the dust that running the lawnmover over the empty patches in front of my house is apt to raise. I also close all the windows in the HQ; enough dust is going to get in the house as it is. I am beginning to think that the CEO personally should have worn a mask too: based on the amount of particulate matter I picked out of my teeth post-mow, my lungs probably aren’t as pink today as they were on Friday. Inhaling a mixture of dust, powdered dry grass and mower exhaust can’t be good for you. I am keeping an eye out for the early symptoms of Lumber Lung or a similar affliction.

Speaking of harming myself: the Chinese-shoddy-product scandal hit home for the CEO this weekend. Sure, in the last few weeks we’ve had to throw away and/or exchange certain toys because of the poisonous paint, but that didn’t really affect me. It’s not like I was gonna be the one putting those things in my mouth. Yesterday that all changed. The Jr VP and I were at A-Boy buying odds and ends, and I picked up a rechargable flashlight/lantern from one of the sales bins. It was cheap, both price-wise and construction-wise, but I didn’t care. I got it home and plugged it in. A little while later I went to check on it to see if it wa charged. Hmm. That plug feels awfully hot. I wonder if that is normal? And what is that liquid leaking out it? Is that condensation? That water smells funny, and feels weird on my hands. Let me try to smell it again, nice and deep, and maybe figure out what this is. Maybe I’ll take just a little taste . . . ?

I’ll tell you what: battery acid does not feel, smell, or taste very good. The burning started up pretty quickly on the hands, but I was at least able to run to the sink and wash it off. The taste in my mouth took a while longer to go away, and required about six glasses of milk and an Altoid. As far as I can tell no serious internal damage was done. As far as I can tell. The only evidence for that is that I’m not in excruciating pain and I’m not bleeding anywhere the CEO hasn’t bled before, so I got that going for me at least. The nose though? Not sure it’s related, but since I woke up I’ve had a very lowgrade nosebleed. Best to hide your good whites if I am about to blow my nose around you today. I suppose that the bloody nose could just be because of all the blow I’ve been doing lately, but I guess there’s really no way to know.

I’ve recently decided to buy, er, acquire one these. Teacher, mother, secret lover indeed.

On a completely unrelated note, does anyone know when the Chiefs Educator and Bride are going to be out of town?