It’s entirely possible that my recent actions may have sparked an interplanetary war, or at least some sort of cross-species squabble. There was something in my kitchen last night that appeared to be masquerading as an insect. It did not look real. It was electric green in color, and glowed in the dark a little bit. Once I noticed it and mentioned something to the CFO it tried to hide as if it understood the words coming out of my mouth. It was fast, and coordinated too. Its defensive maneuvers evidenced way too much intelligence for an animal with a brain the size of a pinhead. The crazy looking bug also happens to be super smart as well? Doubtful. Was the little thing a robot? Maybe, but unless DARPA is way ahead of where I think they are I wasn’t looking at man-made technology right there. An extraterrestrial scout of some sort? Well, like Sherlock Holmes said, once you eliminate the probable, whatever remains no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
That didn’t stop me from deciding the thing, whatever it was, needed to die — it was trespassing in my kitchen after all. The Jr. VP saw me stalking it and came over to watch and/or help. I finally had it cornered and was moving in the for the kill when a thought occurred to me: Stinkboy, you remember the end of Predator? Might want to back up a bit while I do this. Jr. took up a defensive position behind the couch. I squished whatever the hell it was and disposed of it. Within 10 seconds of the squishing an odd sounding siren started to wail from somewhere in my neighborhood. A signal to the mother ship perhaps? If I had a bunker I would have slept in it last night. If you see a flying saucer hovering over SW Portland soon, possibly firing death rays or raining down some other sort of destruction go ahead and assume it was my fault. Sorry.
