From a UK newspaper:

I KICKED BURNING TERRORIST SO HARD IN BALLS THAT I TORE A TENDON!

Someday I too would like to be quoted thusly in a newspaper, or at least have a quote like that be accurately attributed to someone I know. The Chief Sniper maybe? On that note, allow me to issue a formal Thank You Chief! for your assistance with the furniture moving at the HQ the other day. I’m sorry we came up with a better solution than the one we briefly contemplated; I was really looking forward to seeing you bench press that bed. Stupid brain(s).