The institutional mouthpiece of Kjel.org

An organizational update: we are at exactly Tank minus one week as of noon today. The CFO continues to soldier on, barely. Not sure how much longer she can take this especially since Tank seems to really enjoy punching her various assorted organs. He might be a boxer when he comes out; apparently he’s got tremendous reach. Bladder, kidneys, spleen, lungs, brain — he nails them all repeatedly with lefts jabs and right hooks. According to some reports he’s also been observed trying to chew his way to freedom. He won’t get far without teeth, but through her grimaces the CFO might argue that he already has at least a few.

From a UK newspaper:

I KICKED BURNING TERRORIST SO HARD IN BALLS THAT I TORE A TENDON!

Someday I too would like to be quoted thusly in a newspaper, or at least have a quote like that be accurately attributed to someone I know. The Chief Sniper maybe? On that note, allow me to issue a formal Thank You Chief! for your assistance with the furniture moving at the HQ the other day. I’m sorry we came up with a better solution than the one we briefly contemplated; I was really looking forward to seeing you bench press that bed. Stupid brain(s).