Usually when the CEO gets home from work I have the Jr. VP in the car with me. I park, go get the mail and then the two of us go inside. Pretty normal stuff. But not yesterday. No, Yesterday, there was an incident: the annual Spring Offensive had begun.
As the boy was watching, I pulled a stack of mail from the box. I didn’t really look at it at first, but then I felt something on my hand. Insurgents! In ant form! I let out a startled yelp and dropped the mail, trying to brush about two dozen of the little black bastards off my hand and arm. The Jr. VP laughed and laughed. No one but me gets to make me look stupid in front of the boy! No one that the CEO can legally poison to death anyway.
After getting the boy safely inside I went out to the armory (what the CFO would call the garage or the car-hold) and selected a trusty can of Bayer ™ brand bug poison (Now with extra deltamethrin!) from the arsenal. Duly armed, I went to confront the enemy. It was an unmitigated success. Ringing in their tiny, tiny ears at the very end: the CEO screaming “Die bitches!!” as I pumped enough poison through the mail slot to kill at least four dumptruck loads of ants. At this point I’d like to take the opportunity to thank those neighbors who maybe thought about calling the police right then but didn’t. And for those that did, know that the CEO has a long, long memory. Unless inhaling large doses of deltamethrin causes memory loss, in which case you’ll get off scot-free.
