The last few days have been busy. Where to even start? Perhaps a notes format:
1. The CEO likes the cold and a bit of snow, but crikey: it’s pretty damn chilly outside. The snow shown above fell like a week ago, and it’s still around. Not normal. Also, the CEO likes to turn the heat off at the HQ at night. I did it the other night and when we woke up the next morning, it was 51 degrees in our house. The CFO was this close (imagine me doing that thing where I hold my thumb and forefinger a one eighth of a millimeter apart) to filing for divorce that morning. Or stabbing me to death. Or both.
2. The Jr. VP mentioned that one day he wanted to become a superhero, so I’ve let him get an early start on the costume thing. At least that what I tell the CFO. Really I just like to dress him funny (A onesie over his sweats? Hi-larious!) for my own amusement. Of course it irritates the CFO. No divorce on this one though, and only light stabbing, if any.
The almost snow day didn’t help the CEO much, as the Suby got me to work no problem. Just to make the drive in more interesting I didn’t even bother to scrape the windshield first. It worked.
3. The CFO went to the doctor this week with some weird throat problem. The doctor was pretty worthless: Yeah, there’s something there, no I don’t know what it is. He could at least confirm that it wasn’t thrush, which the CFO had convinced herself she had. The doctor prescribed something called “Magic Mouthwash” that the CFO was supposed to gargle with. It sounded to me like maybe the doctor had prescribed a placebo, but whatever: after a day or two of the Magic Mouthwash, the CFO felt better. I later looked it up and it turned out to be a real medication after all. It sounds like there are a few different blends of Magic Mouthwash out there; I might create and start marketing the CEO’s Special Reserve Blend of Magic Mouthwash. The CEO’s version does include a slightly lower dosage of tetracycline, but has a significantly higher content of both gin and peyote.
4. As is our custom most Fridays, the CFO and I ordered dinner from Delivered Dish. The delivery man eventually arrives at our door and Jr. goes running to greet him. (Jr was expecting the Pizza Guy. The Pizza Guy is a god in Jr’s universe, sort of like Gozer in mine. The Chinese food guy still got props from the boy though.) “Hi!” “Hi!” “Hi!”. The Guy gives us our dinner and collects his money. As he is leaving, Jr. yells “Adios! Adios!” and waves. The Guy happened to be Mexican. “Your kid speaks Spanish?” “Uhh, a little” was the best I could do. “Smart kid,” he says while walking away. I hope the guy wasn’t offended by the “adios!” somehow; the CEO is not known for his nuanced understanding of situations like that. Oh well. But the General Tsao’s chicken? Delectable, even if the General himself was a bloodthirsty tyrant.
Saturday afternoon the three of us went to the grocery store. The CFO doesn’t realize that when the boys are at the store, shopping is only a tertiary goal: the primary directive is fun. We mostly have fun by playing with the grocery cart. So many cart games: the slalom, speed trials, fancy freestyle tricks likes popping wheelies and backwards driving, and one favorite that can only be done (done safely, anyway) when the store is relatively empty: the Ghostrider. We had a good time; mommy got her stuff. Everyone was happy. Saturday at the store was a win-win-win for everyone, aside from the elderly woman who inadvertently met the Ghostrider on aisle four. Lucky for her that the local firehouse shops at the same place we do; I’m not sure I could have figured out on my own how those defibrillator paddles worked.
Saturday night the CFO’s brother and date came over and we had tasty Hawaiian food. Again from Delivered Dish. Different delivery guy though, and for that I was thankful. Side note: While pizza is still the king for Stinkboy, Aunty’s Shoyu Chicken is likely the queen.
5. Later Saturday night, I excused myself from the Hawaiian feast and traveled over to the Chief Educator’s pad. [The lady of the house]* very wisely vacated the premises for the evening: the boys were doing some gambling. It was far and away the best gaming we’ve had in a long time, even though I and most of the rest of us got our asses handed to us by one lucky Chief Motherfucker (formerly the Chief Photographer). He had cards (and stories) that night that you wouldn’t believe. I only made it until midnight and then went home to my loving and faithful wife.
6. Sunday morning was spent again at the Chief Educator’s pad, watching the Seahawks lose to the stupid Chicago Bears. Stupid Rex Grossman. He’s going on my list I think. At least I got to have Lit’l Smokies for breakfast. That’s something that doesn’t happen often enough.
7. The CEO has decided that the new addition to Kjel.org will have the first name of “Tank”. Doesn’t matter if it is a boy or a girl, it works either way.
8. Sunday night Kjel.org took dinner over to the Lake Oswegans with the new baby boy. We stayed and dined and watched all the kids play; it was lovely as usual. During the course of dinner the CFO had commented about how they were happy that Jack Bauer was finally on again tonight. A little later an irritating commercial for American Idol came on. The CFO: “I can’t believe people still watch that show. Every season is exactly the same.” “Not at all like 24“, commented the new Daddy. Touche. [editors note: turns out that the CEO incorrectly remembered where he was when he heard that comment; the exchange actually occured at the Chief Educator’s lair earlier that day. It’s like I’d been drinking or something that night. More than usual, I mean.]
9. I have a dream, that one day my yard will be stick-free and my garage uncluttered. Today, in honor of the late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, I am going to try to make that dream into reality. And then afterwards maybe drink some beer (or Magic Mouthwash?) and play video games. It’s the what the Dr. would have wanted I think.
* Title redacted upon instructions from CTU.
