There is a certain Plaid Pantry the CEO visits every couple of weeks or so sorta near the Chief Educator’s pad, across from the the community center, on Vermont. It is right on the way to picking up Jr. and is very handy for milk, Diet Coke, that sort of thing. It is a weird place. Some examples:

I once went in, grabbed a two liter out of the case, and went to the counter to pay. No clerk. I start looking around the store and I can’t find anyone. I start thinking Holy shit, is there some kind of hostage situation in the back? Should I go look? Should I call the cops? Why oh why did I leave my shotgun at home today? After I did another lap around the place without seeing anyone, I was ready just to leave a buck on the counter and take off. I had my dollar out and was heading to pay when, from behind the counter the clerk stands up. I think he was down there taking a nap, or maybe reading a book or something. I was too stunned even to make a witty comment. I just paid and left. Very weird.

Other times, the clerks seem like actual, literal zombies, sans the brain-eating. To my knowledge anyway. I swear that several times I’ve been in line with my cheetos or whatever, got to the front, laid my desired purchase on the counter, and said something like “just these today, please” only to be answered by a grunt or a glaring silence. Never do they state the amount owed, or the change due. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard an actual word out of anyone who works there.

I was reminded of all this when I went in last night to get some milk for the boy. The clerk was utterly and completely stoned. To the bejesus, even. If he wasn’t on drugs, I suspect he had a recent undiagnosed stroke or perhaps some sort of neurological episode. My bill was $3.55. I gave him $4. It took two minutes for him to dispense my quarter and two dimes. They were first too baffling for him to comprehend, and once appreciated too fascinating for him to let go of. When I left the dude was standing dead still, staring off into space while another customer was trying to pay for some Ho-ho’s or something. Truly, an odd place.