Dear Chief Educator:

I am so frakkin jealous I can barely type this. World Cup soccer is awesome. Traveling to Europe is awesome. Combining the travel and the soccer creates awesomeness at a level damn near immeasurable. On your journey remember always that you are an emmisary of Kjel.org. As such, don’t be afraid to be an ugly American: the CEO would be ugly if he was there. And just because * [your date] speaks the local jibberish, don’t let that stop you from speaking English. Everyone in the world understands English if you just speak it loud enough and slow enough.

Say hello to Detlef Schrempf for me,

The CEO

* Title redacted for reasons of national security.